Tips to Navigating a Divorce or Post-Decree Litigation
Watch the YouTube video for more tips - Kelly's Tips
First of all, if you in a dire situation, seek local law enforcement for restraining order and/or protection. Also, identify your city/county resources for women and children; including abuse and domestic violence resources. See below for a list of resources.
Build your team – the process is scary and hard so you need to get support for yourself – friends, family, coworkers, neighbors, and/or fellow members of your church, join Facebook groups, and follow inspirational social media accounts. Fill yourself up with positivity.
Find a counselor or mental health therapist – self-care is a requirement when going through a traumatic event like a divorce or litigation, and you need lots of tools to help you get through the day to day process. Find holistic ways to cope and handle stress. But also, reflect on why the marriage is ending or a post-decree litigation is occurring. Take responsibility for your part, for your own growth and evolution.
Maintaining your level of peace and calm is your utmost importance. Especially when dealing with a narcissistic spouse; they will do anything and everything to push your buttons, gaslight, manipulate, and control you. Learn to balance your emotional reactivity to stay in integrity and rise above the situation. Exercise helps - get into a rhythm of doing something physical every day – move your body.
Be a good role model for your children. Teach them with your actions how to handle stressful situations; lead by example. Help your children give voice to their needs and feelings. A divorce and litigation are extremely traumatic on children, and especially if they are involved in the process. Guardian Ad Litems are advocates for your children, however they are also the same people who work with the lawyers and psychologists, and some aren’t truly advocates for the children. In that case, your voice as a parent needs to be strong for yourself and your children.
Get your finances in order. Create a budget. If you don’t have a job, find a job you like and can grow in.
Find a lawyer; if your case involves domestic violence, find a lawyer who is an expert in domestic violence laws. If you know of other divorced women, ask for referrals for lawyers. As a side note: the domestic relations court and the lawyers and psychologists inside all work together, and have for many years; including the GAL’s, Guardian Ad Litems, or the lawyers for your children. Some of the people are very rough on mothers and children. Some blame the victims, and victim-shame. Some will be more focused on the money they want from you rather than helping you and your kids. Be prepared to ask hard questions with everyone involved, and use your voice for yourself and your children. Expect open communication, transparency and honesty from everyone – remember they are paid by you…to help you. Ask your lawyer to enlighten you about the process. Ask them to prepare a written document about how they plan to fight your case.
Gather any evidence that helps your case. Document and take notes. Identify what is unjust.
Have a plan – set short and long term goals. Stay organized and responsible.
If you have had any instances involving law enforcement, request a copy of your records. Public Records Request Form. Edit this form as needed for your case.
Read your county/state law. Understand the legal process.
Read - Read books on divorce, trauma, abuse, and narcissism. Knowledge is power, the more you know the better you can defend yourself.
Finally, hope and faith are inside of you even when you don’t see it. Never give up, you are strong enough to make it through this! Focus on the big picture, there is a higher purpose – you aren’t designed to fail, you are designed to succeed, grow and thrive.
Resources
Cuyahoga County Children and Family Services
(800) 321-0322
All reports of child abuse and neglect should be made to (216) 696-5437
Laura’s Home Women’s Crisis Center
18120 Puritas Ave
Cleveland, OH 44135
(216) 472-5500
Ohio Alliance To End Sexual Violence
6111 Oak Tree Blvd., Suite 140
Independence, OH 44131
(888) 886-8388
Cleveland Christian Home
11401 Lorain Avenue
Cleveland, Ohio 44111
(216) 416-4277
Family Justice Center
75 Erieview Plaza, 5th floor
Cleveland, OH 44114
(216) 443-7345
Center for Safety and Healing
PO Box 5466
Cleveland, OH 44101
(216) 229-2420
Cleveland Rape Crisis Center
2937 W 25th St 2nd floor
Cleveland, OH 44113
(216) 619-6194
WomenSafe, Inc.
The Green House
12041 Ravenna Rd. Chardon, OH 44024 440-286-7154
The Resale Shoppe
12601 Chillicothe Rd. Chesterland, OH 44026
(440) 729-2780
Artemis Center
310 W. Monument Ave
Dayton, OH 45402
(937) 461-4357
Hope and Healing Survivor Resource Center
974 E Market St.
Akron, OH 44305
(330) 374-0740
696 E. Washington St.
Medina, OH 44256
(330) 723-9610
TCN Behavioral Health Services, Inc.
452 West Market St.
Xenia, OH 45385
(937) 376-8700
Family Violence Prevention Center of Greene County, Inc.
380 Bellbrook Avenue
Xenia, OH 45385
Administrative Office: (937) 376-8526 or (937) 426-6535
24-Hour Crisis Line: (937) 372-4552 or (937) 426-2334
Citizens Against Domestic Violence
2000 N Breiel Blvd.
Middletown, Ohio 45042
(513) 423-0044
Citizens Against Domestic Violence
The Lighthouse Domestic Violence Shelter of Fairfield County, Ohio
(740) 687-4423
Family & Community Services, Inc.
705 Oakwood St. Suite 221
Ravenna, Ohio 44266
(330) 297-7027
New Directions
PO Box 453
Mount Vernon, OH 43050
(740) 397-4357
NAMI – National Alliance on Mental Illness
1225 Dublin Rd. Suite 125
Columbus, OH 43215
(800) 686-2646
National Alliance on Mental Illness
6140 S Broadway
Lorain, OH 44053
(440) 233-7232
Lorain County Children’s Services
226 Middle Avenue
Elyria, OH 44035
(440)329-5340
Genesis House Lorain County Safe Harbor
P.O. Box 718
Lorain, Ohio 44052
440-323-3400 or 440-244-1853
Family and Child Abuse Prevention Center
2460 Cherry St.
Toledo, OH 43608
(419) 244-3053
Summit County Children Services
264 S. Arlington St.
Akron, OH 44306
(330) 379-9094
Domestic Violence Project, Inc
P.O. Box 9459
Canton, OH 44711-9459
(330) 453-7233
Ohio Domestic Violence Network
1855 E Dublin-Granville Rd. #301
Columbus, OH 43229
(800) 934-9840
Ohio Domestic Violence Network
Action Ohio Coalition For Battered Women
P.O. Box 423
Worthington, OH 43085-0423
(888) 622-9315
National Coalition Against Domestic Violence
(303) 839-1852
National Domestic Violence Hotline
Hotline
(800) 799-7233
The Recovery Village - Drug & Alcohol Rehab
3964 Hamilton Square Boulevard
Groveport, OH 43125
(614) 362-1686
Private Investigators
Domestic Violence Resource Guide
Ride-Sharing Sexual Assault Safety Guide
Elder Abuse - What is elder abuse? How to report elder abuse?
Dividing Annuity Assets in Divorce
Public Records Resources
2021 Sunshine Law Manual – Ohio Attorney General
National Freedom of Information Coalition
Ohio Auditor of State
Ohio Laws & Administrative Rules
Digital Media Law